


Falling For You (City of Angels AU)

by JWMelmoth



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, city of angels au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 07:08:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13453062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JWMelmoth/pseuds/JWMelmoth
Summary: As Adam visits the hospital in Ohio, something happens that has never happened to the angel before; Kurt Hummel, a mortal man, looks straight at him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story more or less follows the City of Angels plot and concept (except for the end), reimagined with Glee characters. It will incorporate Finn’s death (ch 5-6-7) and is not Blaine-friendly.
> 
> This was first posted on Tumblr in 2013.

**2010**  
  
“Do you ever ask yourself if it’s fair, Nathan?” he asked, looking at the crying boy holding on to his father’s hand.  
  
“It’s life, Adam,” Nathan replied neutrally. “It’s neither fair or unfair, or both indiscriminately.”  
  
Adam frowned, still studying the boy. His bright eyes were red-rimmed, his perfect ski slope nose running, his fair skin splotchy. “But he’s been through so much already. His mother…the way people treat him. Not even his friends respect the way he feels.”  
  
Nathan looked at him curiously for a moment but said nothing. Instead, he gently touched Burt’s chest. The man took a deep breath and stirred, squeezing his son’s hand. Kurt noticed, overjoyed, and started calling for a nurse.  
  
“Thank you,” Adam said quietly. Nathan did not reply, because it was not his gratitude to accept. His touch could have brought comfort or death, and he was not the one choosing. It had not been Burt’s time, and Nathan’s calling had been that of a guardian angel this time.  
  
  
**2013**  
  
Burt’s first cancer treatment took place shortly after Christmas, and Kurt sat in the waiting room of the hospital in Westerville, listlessly leafing through an old magazine. A woman with a baby sat a few seats away from him. Unbeknown to them, two other presences waited with them. 

Gabrielle was making cooing sounds at the baby that only the newborn could hear. It was staring at her and giggling, grasping the air with its little hands. The baby’s liveliness cheered up the woman waiting for her husband even though she did not see or understand what her baby was laughing at.  
  
“I love how we don’t even need to show ourselves to the small ones,” Gabrielle said happily, wiggling her fingers at the baby. “They are still unbiased and simply trust their senses.”  
  
Adam made a non-committal sound and continued watching Kurt Hummel. He had grown so much since the last time Adam had seen him. He was much taller. His shoulders were broader, his arms stronger. He wore his hair differently- he wore _himself_ differently. Kurt had grown into a man, the visual equal to Adam…if Adam had been a man. Adam couldn’t help but look at him and think, if perfection was what God intended, he had succeeded in Kurt Hummel. But besides Kurt’s physical appearance, Adam had also noticed something else: the look in Kurt’s eyes. It had grown more mature too, wiser, more aware- but at the same time much, much sadder. There was pain and fatigue, maybe even despair. Adam braced himself and opened his mind to Kurt’s thoughts.

_Please God, Buddah, Allah, Jaweh, magical teapot dwarf in the sky - whoever you are out there, don’t let my father die. I need him. I need him so much. He is all I have left. Please. Don’t let him die. I’ll give up everything. NYADA, New York, if that’s what you want. I just want to keep my dad._

  
Though Adam was there for Burt, the man’s fate yet uncertain, Adam longed to comfort his son. He stepped up close, leaning forward to kiss Kurt’s forehead and for one moment, empty his mind and fill it with grace. But then something happened.

Kurt looked up. It was as if he was looking straight at Adam, his large eyes filled with determination. Adam forgot to breathe. He wanted to speak, but just at that moment, Kurt looked away. A young man had come into the waiting room carrying two paper cups.

“Hey. I got you a coffee,” the second man said to Kurt. He sounded soft, caring. His expression was a little anxious.  
  
“Thank you, Blaine,” Kurt said, accepting the cup and offering him a small smile.  
  
Adam stepped back. He had never felt so conflicted. He was grateful for the man comforting Kurt, happy that Kurt had someone _real_ to be with him at a time like this, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Had Kurt really seen him? What would have happened if he had made himself known?

He was drawn to Burt’s room and went reluctantly. He did not want to be the one to take Burt away, if that was the plan. Thankfully, his touch woke Burt from his medicated sleep. Adam hurried back to the waiting room and saw the doctor with them, conveying the news. Kurt let out a deep breath and nearly slumped into the other man’s arms with relief and happiness. It was then that Adam heard it.

 _God, Kurt is so fit. Am I getting laid tonight? He’ll have to forgive me at some point, right? I sat with him all morning. That’s got to count for something._ _Maybe I can get him to celebrate with alcohol._

Adam looked at Gabrielle to see if she had heard it too. She just shrugged. Adam stared at Blaine for a moment, incredulous as to how the man- he was hardly more than a boy, really- could think to take advantage of Kurt’s state of mind like that. Suddenly, the way he was holding him did not look comforting any more. Didn’t Kurt notice Blaine’s hands were mapping out his shoulders, inching down to his waistline?

With a sinking feeling, Adam realised that Kurt could not hear Blaine’s thoughts, and to him, the hug was simply one of support and friendship. Adam wished he could warn him, protect him. Wasn’t that what guardian angels did? But despite what the myths and stories said about them, the angels could not influence anything. They had no power over life and death, sorrow or happiness. They existed to guide the passing to heaven and remind the living of the good that was already inside themselves.

He stepped away, shared a look with Gabrielle, and they retreated, the soul of the baby’s father between them.  
  
*

Adam stood on the roof top of a tall building in Lima, his face turned to the sunset, catching the last beams of light on his face and listening to the melodies. Try as he could, he could not empty his mind to embrace the abstract beauty of the earth.

“You’re still thinking about him, aren’t you?” Nathan asked gently.

Adam kept his eyes closed. “You talked to Gabrielle,” he stated.

“I didn’t need to,” Nathan said. “You have that same look on your face as you did back then.”

“I can’t help it, Nathan.” Adam turned to face him. “I need to know if he’s okay.”

“I know. So go see him. Can you find him?”

Adam smiled. “He’s somewhere in New York, at a place called NYADA.”


	2. Chapter 2

Finding Kurt was easier than Adam expected. All he needed to do was read the minds of the students in NYADA. It seemed nearly everyone was thinking about him, the remarkable boy who had blown everyone away at the Winter Showcase. _Amazing. Gorgeous. Breathtaking._ It comforted Adam to know Kurt had found a place where people appreciated him for his talents. Kurt had to be happy here. He didn’t need a guardian angel. Adam was about to take his leave when he saw Kurt, dressed in a slim-fitting, deep blue hoodie, eyeing people shyly and stepping aside to make way whenever a group of students passed him. He was clutching his bag tightly. Adam tuned into him. _  
_

 

_Once again, I am at the bottom._

Adam was taken aback a little. Kurt had no idea how famous he already was at NYADA. He still felt like an outsider, the way he did in high school. Maybe Kurt didn’t need a guardian angel- but he needed a friend.

*

It was the first time Adam made himself visible for humans who weren’t dying or delusional. He was nervous, but the show choir group accepted him as he was, no questions asked, and they were happy enough to let him lead them. It had been a while since they had any direction. Adam figured they’d be wonderful as friends for Kurt. But not everyone at NYADA was as open as they were. Adam realised that being visible made him immensely vulnerable. Without knowing him, people could make assumptions based on his looks, his clothes, his gait. Was this how humans felt all the time?

Suddenly, he wondered if his form would be visually pleasing to Kurt.

He only spoke to him briefly that first day, reading Kurt’s mind as he studied the Apples’ sign up sheet and answering his question before Kurt was aware of asking. Kurt’s attention was still on the board and he barely noticed Adam, but it was enough to leave Adam shaking for a few days. He wanted badly for this to work. Kurt was thinking about it. Adam could tell without even having to read his mind. But he needed that final nudge. If Kurt joined the Apples, he would find a group of wonderful, welcoming artists there, gentle souls, men and women who would care for him. Adam had studied all of them. It was always remarkable to see how people found each other in this world; coming from different backgrounds, different lives- and without any of the benefits the angels had. They could not see each other’s souls, but they seem to know they belonged together anyway. They were perfect for Kurt.

“You’re thinking about signing up, aren’t you?”

Kurt saw him. _Of course he did_ , Adam chided himself, he was visible now. But it was still amazing to be the focus of those eyes again like he had been once before. Adam rattled off his rehearsed introduction, complimenting Kurt and telling him about the group, slipping in a few things he had picked up from Kurt’s thoughts and then quickly assuring him that he _wasn’t_ a mind reader (he knew enough about the human world to know this was considered creepy) but forgetting, in all his enthusiasm, that humans needed to breathe. Kurt was astounded.

Still a little guarded, Kurt needed a bit of convincing to come and hear him sing. Adam had never been as nervous as he was at that moment. He wanted to get it all right, to find the right balance between making a fool out of himself to bring a smile to Kurt’s lips, and presenting the group in an attractive light. In the end, he thought he did fairly well. Kurt joined the Apples and Adam’s goal had been achieved. In time, Kurt could easily take over the lead of the show choir and live happily ever after, right?

But seeing Kurt, and _being seen_ by him, turned out to be addictive. Adam couldn’t let it go. Even if Kurt seemed to blossom within NYADA, bonding with the Apples and enjoying his classes, Adam kept returning and appearing to whisper a few words of praise, make a joke or just say hi to see Kurt smile at him. He kept coming to the Apples’ rehearsals. After a few weeks, he realised that wasn’t just for Kurt’s benefit: He actually liked leading them, finding songs, figuring out dance routines… and even singing and dancing himself!

Every week, more and more angels came to see him. They filed in at 8 pm or simply appeared in the empty rows of the small NYADA theatre, invisible to everyone but Adam. They didn’t understand why he would mingle so much, expose himself - but it fascinated them all the same. He was becoming something of an attraction for the angels in New York.

One evening, as the Apples’ were slowly dispersing, Adam saw a familiar face.

“Nathan! I didn’t know you were here!” Adam said happily.

“I was in the neighbourhood,” Nathan replied, smiling. But behind his smile, he looked troubled. “Adam, we need to talk. You have to stop this.”

“Stop what?” Adam asked.

“This,” Nathan said, gesturing at the theatre. “Trying to live like a human. Adam, it’s dangerous.”

Adam smiled, the skin around his eyes crinkling. “I am immortal, remember?” he joked. “What could be dangerous to me?”

Nathan shook his head. “Not to you. To _them_. What will happen when Kurt finds out who you are? _What_ you are? He could lose his mind! It would unhinge everything he thinks he believes in right now. And what if he tells other people? Don’t you know what happens to humans when people find out they’ve been talking to angels? Does Joan of Arc ring any bells to you? Leonardo daVinci? Frida Kahlo?”

Adam shook his head. “Well, they don’t burn people at the stake anymore, Nate.”

“No, but they lock them up, Adam. It’s too much for them, my friend. They cannot comprehend it.” He sighed. “It’s not their fault. It’s the way they are built.” He looked into Adam’s eyes. “If you care for him this much, you need to let him go.”

Adam swallowed and looked out over the stage. Kurt was standing in the centre of a small group of Apples. He was twirling two sai swords and everyone was mesmerised. 

“And what if I can’t?” Adam whispered, but Nathan was already gone. Adam looked back at Kurt. That morning, the young man had asked him out for a coffee. How could he have said no to that?


	3. Chapter 3

“I’ll miss you,” Adam said, keeping his tone light. “But the most important thing is that you’ll be back for the Apples rehearsal on Monday, of course.”

“Of course,” Kurt replied fondly, clearly not convinced that Adam was merely speaking as a show choir leader.

“It’s nice though, that your old glee club is all going to your teacher’s wedding,” Adam added conversationally, hoping to distract from himself.

“Mmm yes. Well, if _you_ get married, I’m sure all the Apples will be there too,” Kurt replied, turning around in front of the long mirror to check his new suit from behind.

“I sure hope so,” Adam sighed, casting a longing look at Kurt’s back. It was foolish, what he was doing, but he couldn’t help himself. Try as he might to stop it, Adam was imagining a future life for him and Kurt. He no longer tried to tell himself at every visit that this was ‘the very last time’. He was falling in love, and it was getting harder and harder to leave and do his duties.

Kurt turned to face him. “How do I look?” he asked, and preened a little.

“Fantastic,” Adam said honestly. “Even better than the groom, I’m sure.”

Kurt rolled his eyes a little, but seemed very pleased. “It fits perfectly, too. I was worried for a bit after all those muffins we had the other day. Or rather, that I had. You really ought to have eaten your share.” He gave Adam a mock-stern look.

Adam offered up his palms in defeat. “I was afraid to fight you for them. You’re very ferocious.” His eyes twinkled.

Kurt laughed, and Adam knew he was far beyond leaving now.

*

_This is just bros helping bros._

Adam stood by the car, knowing he ought to look away to give Kurt his privacy, but he couldn’t. He didn’t trust Blaine, even if Kurt seemed to be liking him just fine right now. Deep inside, Adam knew it was unfair to spy on Kurt in Lima. He was abusing his power. But he needed to make sure Kurt was okay. He sighed. Kurt seemed _very_ okay right now.

Adam tried to tune Blaine’s thoughts out (lots of thoughts about various body parts of Kurt and where he wanted them, and then some gibberish about soulmates) and stood at the parking lot by himself, unnoticed and invisible, trying to imagine what it felt like to cry.

*

“Adam, I need to tell you something,” Kurt said, and he sounded troubled.

“Okay,” Adam replied, sitting down to give Kurt his full attention. He tried his best to not listen to Kurt’s mind to give him some privacy as he sorted his thoughts.

“I slept with Blaine while I was in Lima.”

Adam schooled his features. He knew about that, though he had left after their little tryst at the parking lot. It was all Kurt had been thinking about the past few days, and as much as it hurt him, Adam had listened to him trying to make up his mind about what it meant. It seemed like he finally had.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt offered.

Adam shook his head. “Don’t apologise, Kurt. You can see whoever you want. We’re not exclusive.”

“I know, but-” Kurt started and gave Adam a hopeful look. “I think I want to be.”

Adam forgot to pretend to breathe for a moment.

“Exclusive. With you,” Kurt clarified. “I’m aware of what you must be thinking, like, _couldn’t he have figured that out sooner_? _Am I his second choice_? But I promise you’re not. It happened and it was a mistake - a big one, not big like wearing white after labour day big, but like going to a funeral in Lady Gaga’s meat dress big, and it won’t happen again.” He paused and looked at Adam.

Adam was too amazed to speak. Even though he could read minds, he hadn’t anticipated this.

“So, this is the part where you reply. If you still want me. Please say something soon because I’m kinda dying. Throw me a life line here, Adam,” Kurt pleaded, and Adam realised he was still staring at him in silence.

“What? Oh! Yes, Kurt. Yes, my answer is yes, of course I want that too!” Adam said quickly, and a smile took over his entire face.

Kurt bit his lip to repress a squeak of victory. To distract from his joy, he batted his eyelids and added coyly: “You know that means you’ll have to say goodbye to _your_ other lovers too, right? Unless they are cute, then you should invite them over.”

Adam frowned a little in confusion before he understood. “There’s no one else, Kurt. I only want you.”

He didn’t need to read Kurt’s mind to know it had been the right thing to say.

*

“Rachel, you _have_ to try one of these cookies Adam baked. They’re _heavenly_ ,” Kurt exclaimed.

“Yeah, they’re actually pretty rad,” Santana agreed. “Well done, Alfie.”

“And you should have one yourself too, Adam, or they’ll be gone before you know it,” Kurt continued, ignoring Santana. Adam smiled.

“I couldn’t, Kurt. I had so much of the dough already, I’m completely stuffed.”

“Oh no, not completely, surely,” Santana replied. “There has to be room for a _little_ something. Or, well, it’s not even _that_ little, I’ve seen worse-”

“ _Santana_ ,” Kurt said in a warning tone.

“What? You should lock the bathroom door when you shower is all I’m sayin’,” the Latina remarked unabashedly. Kurt glanced at Adam and offered him an apologetic smile. Adam winked.

“Weather report says everyone who doesn’t need to go outside should stay in,” Rachel said, taking a cookie. “Which sucks, because I was hoping Brody would stop by later.”

“Such a pity,” Santana said acidly.

Adam looked at Kurt. “I guess that means I’m staying?” he asked. “Unless you want me to go…?”

Kurt tsked. “Of course you’re staying, Adam! I wouldn’t send you out in this weather. And we have enough food in the house for days, it’s really no trouble.”

“I don’t eat much,” Adam offered. “Thanks.”

*

Kurt fell asleep in his arms that night after the movie. Adam wished he could have felt it. He had no physical sense of touch, taste or smell. He could only fake it, using his imagination. Kurt felt him because his senses told him Adam was there, but it did not work the other way around. Adam didn’t even feel the tears as he brushed them from Kurt’s face. It wasn’t easy seeing the man he loved so conflicted. He wished he could tell Kurt about the things he had read in Blaine’s mind. He had started to try once, but broke it off because he didn’t know how to tell Kurt without revealing himself.

Sometimes he wondered if Kurt didn’t suspect something. Was he really worried about Adam’s food intake, or was his constant offering of food and drink a test? And how often did anyone else use the phrase 'it’s as if you read my mind’? As they went to look for 'their movie’ and ended up renting 'Ghost’, Adam was sure his game was up. Okay, he wasn’t a ghost or a spectre of a dead person, but the whole supernatural, invisibility thing…? But as he carefully asked Kurt what he thought about life and death, it was clear from his answers that he rejected the entire concept of heaven, let alone angels. The subject seemed to make Kurt uncomfortable, too, so Adam quickly forgot about telling him. He wanted to enjoy life as a man for as long as he could.

Which, as it turned out, wouldn’t be much longer.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey, this is Kurt. Um, I’m staying in Lima for a bit longer, just until after Regionals. I kinda hoped I’d be able to tell you in person but I can’t seem to reach you…uh. I hope you’re okay and your exams are going well. I love you. See you next week, okay?”

Adam watched Kurt hang up the phone and smiled. The reason Kurt didn’t reach him was because Adam was there with him in Lima, keeping out of sight. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Kurt - he had been very clear about Blaine and him not hooking up now that he was in an exclusive relationship with Adam - but he didn’t trust Blaine. And besides that, Adam just wasn’t sure he could be without Kurt that long. He had even considered telling him that and coming with him, but hadn’t dared to. The last thing Kurt needed after Blaine was someone clingy. So, he had told Kurt he couldn’t come because of midterms, and watched him from the side lines.

_Kurt loved him._ Adam couldn’t get tired of hearing that. Kurt was the first and only person to ever tell him that. Of course, that was rather obvious since the souls he guided towards the light weren’t really interested in him romantically, but still. He sat back on a desk and basked in the feeling.

“Excuse me, you’re sitting on something of mine, aren’t you?”

Adam was shaken out of his reverie and looked at the wide-eyed woman standing in the doorway. He remained silent. Could she _see_ him? Adam had followed Kurt down the hall as he had made his phone call, not really looking where he was going, and he had somehow ended up in a small and very clean office with very unusual posters (“So you like to catfish?”). Now, a ginger-haired woman was staring right at him, even though he was supposed to be invisible.

“Please, just…don’t mess up my things,” she said, still looking at him.

Adam dropped his guards and showed himself. She gasped. “I forgot how young you looked,” she whispered.

“You know who I am?” Adam asked incredulously. The woman shook her head.

“But I know _what_ you are,” she replied. “Please tell me it’s one of us, one of the teachers, and not one of my kids. They are so young. They have so much life ahead of them.”

Adam quickly shook his head. “No, no. I’m not here for that. I’m just…it’s only…” In the hallway, Kurt made his way back to the choir room, tucking his phone back into his breast pocket. Adam followed him with his eyes. His feelings must have shown on his face, because the woman said:

“Ah. I understand. Oh honey, it’s hard, isn’t it?”

“What do you mean?”

“I think we should talk." 

The woman walked into her office and closed the door behind her. She shooed Adam off her table and gestured for him to take a seat opposite of her.

"My name is Emma, I’m the students’ guiding counsellor. Now, I know you’re not a student, but I don’t think there are many guiding counsellor offices for angels, right?" 

"Right,” Adam replied, still wondering how she could have known he was there. Maybe she was a clairvoyant? Just in case she wasn’t, it was only polite to tell her his name. “I’m Adam.”

“Okay Adam, I don’t have any flyers for this but if I did, I guess they would say… um… something like ‘So You Can’t Touch the Person You Love’.” She looked at him as if that explained everything.

Adam sighed. He was used to being invisible, but apparently he was also transparent when he let people see him. “Yes, I guess that part isn’t so easy,” he admitted.

“In this flyer, though, which would have to stay our little secret, I would explain how you can remedy that,” the woman continued, and offered him a sweet smile. Adam’s eyes grew wide.

“I can?”

“You can become mortal.”

Adam stared at her for a moment. “How?”

Emma smiled. “Free will. You can choose to give up immortality and fall down to earth, as it were, and stay there to live a mortal life.”

“Fall down? But I am already _on_ earth,” Adam replied.

“Not really, though, are you? Not the way humans are.”

Adam swallowed. Give up forever to touch Kurt? “How does it work?” he asked.

“You need to fall. Literally. Make up your mind and jump, off a building, off a bridge- something that has an impact. And there you are, alive, mortal, and most likely a little bloody, and in a lot of pain. Also dirty or wet, depending on where you jump down from. Don’t wear your best jeans.”

Adam was reeling from this information. How come no one had ever told him this?

“How do you know, Emma?” he asked.

She shrugged her small frame. “I did it.”

“You were an angel?!” Adam let out incredulously.

“What, don’t you think I have the looks?” Emma replied, and from her tone it wasn’t completely clear if she was joking or expecting an answer. “I guess since you like Kurt you probably don’t have an eye for girls,” she added, sniffing a little.

“You’re very beautiful, Emma,” Adam offered dutifully. “But may I ask…why?”

Emma looked around her office and smiled. “I was tired of looking. I wanted to _do_ something, help people, be part of that whole…growing up circus,” she replied. 

Adam looked at her with a whole new appreciation. “Are you happy?” he asked.

Emma paused and looked down on her hand. She wore a small engagement ring. “Yes. Life is…a little dirty, a little messy - there’s germs and bacteria and viruses that you suddenly need to look out for… wait till you get your first cold! There’s mucus everywhere. And then there’s this thing once a month, but I guess you won’t get that, so… jaay for you!- but all things considered, yes, it’s worth it.”

Adam nodded. “Thanks.” She had given him a lot to think about.

*  
  
“So will you do it?” Nathan asked. They were standing on the edge of the Lima Trust Building, gazing down at the people making their way to work. The sun was rising with a pale yellow glow. A strong wind whistled past the arched windows of the tall building. Angels did not have fear of heights, but Adam was looking down with a newfound respect all the same. The long drop down could now be his way into Kurt’s arms. Nathan continued. “As an angel, you could stay with him forever. Watch over him, keep him company as he ages… he would never have to be afraid you’d go before he did.” Nathan paused. “It’s a fear I hear in many ageing couples’ thoughts.”

Adam looked away from the edge and towards the rising sun. The melodies were starting. He’d miss that. “Yes, but I wouldn’t age with him. At some point people would assume I’m his son or grandchild.”

“That’s true.”

Adam took a deep breath. There was more to it. He had a very selfish reason to do it. He hoped his old friend would understand. It was hard to explain.

“I would never be able to feel his touch, Nathan. Never smell his hair or feel his breath on my skin. Every time he kisses me, I would have to pretend.”

“Mortality is a big price to pay for a kiss.”

Adam shrugged. “Not if it’s Kurt’s.” The thought about it made him smile. 

Nathan smiled as well, though his eyes were sad. They listened to the music for a while in silence. Finally, Nathan spoke.

“I will miss you, my friend. Do you want me to be there?” he offered.

Adam shot him a grateful look. “I’d appreciate that. I’ll talk to Kurt tonight.”

Nathan frowned. “Are you sure he can handle it? He thinks you are human already. He doesn’t need to know what you’re giving up.”

“I want him to know me, Nathan. Everything about me. If I tell him afterwards, he would never believe me. I have to show him.”

“It’s a risk.”

“He’s a strong man with a sound mind. I trust him.”

“Good luck then. I’ll be around when you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Nathan.” Adam would miss his oldest friend too. He and the other angels would become invisible to him. Nathan would still be able to appear for him, but it wouldn’t be the same. For one, no more walks on top of skyscrapers; no more sunrises together. Adam decided to make his last day as an angel count.

*  
  
That evening, Adam appeared by Kurt’s side, moving with the speed of thought. Travelling would be a lot harder after the fall, too! But it didn’t matter. He found himself in Kurt’s old bedroom in his father’s house. Kurt lay on the bed. Adam was just bracing himself for what he was about to say when he saw Kurt wasn’t sleeping- he was crying.


	5. Chapter 5

“Kurt?” Adam said gently.

Kurt froze, his body tightening, and he turned on his bed to stare at Adam.

“Adam? How… what… when did you get here?” he asked, looking shocked. “Did my dad let you in? I didn’t hear the door.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Adam said dismissively, knowing this was not the moment to bother Kurt with his confession. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Kurt wiped at his eyes. “No. Yes. I don’t know,” he mumbled.

Adam walked over to Kurt and sat down next to him on the bed. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

“Blaine proposed to me,” Kurt confessed, plucking at the bedspread. Adam felt as if he was falling already. 

“I said no, of course. It was kind of ridiculous. We’re not even a couple,” Kurt continued, and Adam forced himself to unclench his fists, “but today of all days. It just really hurt. He should have known better.”

“Obviously I’m glad you said no, but….I’m sorry, I don’t know what today is,” Adam said.

Kurt sighed. “It’s the anniversary of my mom’s death.” He bit his lip. “I don’t make a big deal out of it, it’s just…I kind of dedicate the day to thinking about her, you know? And Blaine knew that. He knew and he tried to press his idea on anyway, trying to make everything about him.” Kurt sounded bitter. “I was on my way to the cemetery with my dad when he called and said we had to come to McKinley for something _very urgent_.” Kurt rolled his eyes. He looked angry and disappointed. A tear rolled down his cheek.

Adam caught it with a finger.

“Maybe he thought you might be more susceptible for it today,” Adam said.

He couldn’t help himself. Up until now he had managed not to talk bad about Blaine, but he had deserved it this time. Adam felt angry with himself, too. He had spent his last day as an angel doing all the things he would be giving up, gathering as many experiences as he could so he could tell Kurt about them, practising how to put them in words. He instantly regretted that now. He should have been with Kurt.

“Yeah,” Kurt scoffed. “He even used a Beatles song even though I told him that was my mother’s favourite band. Or maybe that was on purpose too.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It doesn’t matter. I said no, and it’s over now. And more importantly, _you_ ’re here. You didn’t even know about today and you came anyway.”

Adam put his arm around Kurt’s shoulder. “Lucky coincidence, Kurt, I just wanted to see you,” he said modestly. “But I do always try to be there for you when you need me.”

“I need you _now_ ,” Kurt whispered with a watery smile, and kissed him. He began to undress his boyfriend, but Adam stilled his hands.

“Maybe we shouldn’t,” he said gently.

“Why not?” Kurt asked, pausing with his hand inside Adam’s shirt.

“You’re upset, it’s been a rough day- I wouldn’t want to take advantage of that,” Adam tried, hoping it would be enough to appeal to Kurt’s rational mind. The truth was he couldn’t make himself go through something that intimate with Kurt, not yet. Not when he had to fake everything.

“You’re not. You’re my boyfriend and I love you. I want you to comfort me.” When Adam didn’t move, Kurt pulled away to look into Adam’s eyes. His expression fell.

“Is it something else? Is it…because of Blaine? We used protection-"  _Oh god, please don’t think I throw myself around, I would never-_

"I don’t think you throw yourself around,” Adam assured him quickly, and knew as soon as he said it that he had made a mistake.

“What?” Kurt asked sharply, narrowing his eyes.

“I… I said…it’s not Blaine-”

“No. You said ‘throw yourself around’. Not 'sleep around’ or 'fool around’. You said _exactly_ what I was thinking.”

He sat up and pushed himself away from Adam.

Adam knew the game was up. “Yes,” he admitted. “Kurt, I have been meaning to tell you something. I’m-”

“I _knew_  it! You were reading my mind!” Kurt exclaimed. “It was too good to be true, with you always knowing exactly what I need without asking. I know what’s going on, Adam. I know what you are.”

“You do?” Adam asked in relief. Maybe Emma had talked to Kurt, too?

“Well, I suspected…the mind reading…and you don’t eat, ever…but…I’ve seen you in the sunlight. _No glitter!_ ”

“Glitter?” Adam repeated confoundedly.

“You’re a vampire, aren’t you?” Kurt asked. His eyes flickered to the small framed Twilight poster on his wall.

Adam raised his eyebrows, a smile breaking through on his face. “A _vampire_? Kurt, I’m an angel.”

Kurt frowned. “A what?”

“An angel,” Adam repeated patiently. It was a little endearing that Kurt was ready to believe modern day fiction over ages of mythology.

“Are you being British again?” Kurt asked. “Like, you’re an angel, you’re a sweetheart, you’re… an adorable cupcake muffin?”

Adam laughed. “No, I’m not being British. I’m being literal. I’m an angel. I guide people’s souls to heaven when they die.”

“Okay, so… _you’re_ not undead-  _but I’m dead_?!”

“No, of course not, Kurt. We are able to appear for the living too, though it’s very unusual.”

“What do you mean, _appear_?” Kurt asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Angels are invisible to humans unless we let them see us,” Adam replied, trying to keep himself from talking too fast and overwhelming Kurt. He really wanted to tell him the whole story but figured it would be better to answer his questions as his boyfriend slowly digested the news.

“So, what? You can, like…disappear into thin air? You feel solid enough.” Kurt prodded his shoulder with a finger.

“My body is a manifestation of your other senses, Kurt. You can see me and hear me, so your mind believes it can feel me too. I’ll show you. Don’t be afraid.”

Adam took Kurt’s hand and placed it on his shoulder. Then, he drew up his guards and vanished. Kurt’s hand fell down, with nothing to support it. He gasped and looked around the room. Adam quickly appeared again.

“No,” Kurt whispered, looking at his hand and then back at Adam. He blinked a few times in quick succession, as if expecting Adam to disappear again. His breathing sped up and he began to hyperventilate. “This isn’t real. I was lying on my bed, I was tired…I must have fallen asleep. There is no other explanation.”

Kurt let out a long breath through puffed cheeks, braced himself, and then slapped his own face. Twice.

“Kurt!” Adam let out, looking shocked. He grabbed Kurt’s hands before he could hit himself again. “You’re not asleep. I’m here. Please calm down.”  
   
“I don’t understand. I don’t even believe in god and heaven and all that. Why me?” Kurt whispered, his chest still heaving. “Why can I see you?”

“Because I want you to,” Adam replied. “I knew you were special from the moment I first saw you.” He smiled sadly at the bitter-sweet memory. “You were at the hospital with your dad, and you were putting on a show for the other visitors in the waiting room. You were acting out your favourite parts from the book your mom was reading to you, The Never Ending Story. When people asked you why it was your favourite, you said-”

“ _Because it never ends, so my mom will read it to me forever_ ,” Kurt replied quietly, his voice trembling. “I never told anyone that.”

He looked ready to cry. “I thought the magic of the book would keep her alive.” He looked at Adam, shaking his head softly as if he was still trying to shake off a dream. “You were there? The day my mom died?”

Adam nodded. 

“Did you…guide her soul?”

“She refused to go,” Adam said, “unless I promised to watch over you.” Adam paused, not sure if he had reached Kurt’s limit.

Kurt remained quiet for a long while, and Adam was afraid he had gone too far. Maybe Nathan was right. Maybe it was too much. He was about to apologise when Kurt finally spoke again.

“Are you my guardian angel?” he asked.

Adam smiled softly. “In a way. I’m an angel. I stand guard. And I’m yours.” He took Kurt’s hand. “I’m yours the way I have never been anyone’s, Kurt. I’ve never let anyone see me, never felt so drawn to someone, so connected. I had to keep coming back to see you. I joined the NYADA show choir so I’d have an excuse to talk to you.”

Kurt looked down on their hands. “So isn’t there, like, a rule in the angel handbook that says 'never fall in love with your charge’?” he joked lightly. “Like in The Bodyguard or Pretty Woman?”

Adam could tell Kurt was still reeling from the news, but his attempt at humour told him he was processing it. 

“Probably, yes,” he agreed, pressing Kurt’s hand. “The other angels think I’ve lost my mind. They come to see poor old Adam who’s gone off his rocker over a mortal…" 

Kurt smiled tentatively. "Poor old Adam, huh? Just how old are you?”

“That’s not polite to ask,” Adam teased. Then he sighed. “I’m about one hundred years old. The early years are a bit of a blur.”

“One hundred? You _pervert!_ ” Kurt let out, and he laughed for the first time that night. Suddenly he seemed full of questions. “Can you fly? Why don’t you have wings? How many angels are there? Are there men and women? What about angel…babies?” Kurt asked eagerly.

Adam smiled. “What you _really_ want to ask is 'do angels have sex?’, don’t you?” he teased, and Kurt blushed.

“It’s a valid question, since you aren’t really tangible,” Kurt defended himself. “I need to know what I am getting into here-”

His words were cut off by a loud pounding on the door.

“Kurt! Get off the phone, buddy. I need to talk to you.” Kurt’s father sounded urgent and strangely hollow, too quiet in all his loudness.

Kurt paled and looked at Adam, not sure what to say.

“I’ll be here,” Adam promised, and vanished. He watched Kurt’s eyes search the room for a moment, but then Burt opened the door.

Kurt’s father looked sick, and his eyes were puffy and red-rimmed.

“Dad!” Kurt exclaimed. He got off the bed and ran towards him. “What-?!”

“No, sit down, Kurt,” Burt said sternly. “I need you to sit down.”

This made Kurt panic even more, but he sat back down. “Dad, is it the cancer?” he asked.

“No,” Burt replied. “It’s Finn. He’s dead, son.”


	6. Chapter 6

Kurt stared at his father without seeing anything. “What?” he finally croaked.

Burt took a deep breath. “He… apparently there was a pool party at his fraternity house on campus and he had some kind of seizure in the water. A lot of the kids were drunk and by the time they noticed he wasn’t just splashing around for fun, he’d gone under, and-” Burt broke off, covering his face with his hands. His shoulders shook with quiet sobs. Adam watched as Kurt seemed to age fifty years in one breath. Kurt got up and walked to his father, embracing him and making quiet shushing sounds like he was the parent.

“They couldn’t revive him,” Burt continued, his voice muffled by his hands. “Oh god, Kurt, he’s gone. He’s _gone_.”

Kurt shook his head. “It’s okay, dad. I’ll fix it,” he whispered. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Burt straightened away from his son and looked at him with worry on his face. “Kurt?” he asked quietly. But Kurt was looking around the room as if he was trying to search for something. Adam realised Kurt was looking for him. His heart sank.

“I’m okay, dad. Don’t worry. We’ll get him back,” Kurt said, sounding like was in a trance. “He’ll be okay…”

“Kurt!” Burt said a little harsher, grabbing Kurt’s arm. “Kurt, Finn’s dead. Do you understand? Son… Kurt, baby…talk to me. Do you understand what I am saying?” Burt was shaking him, but Kurt was still looking around the room blindly. Adam could tell Burt was afraid he had lost his other son too.

“I need to be alone, dad,” Kurt announced. “Please don’t worry.”

Burt’s face crumpled and he was starting to break down again, but he was trying very hard to keep it together. “Okay,” he whispered. “Okay. I’ll be downstairs. Take all the time you need. I’m here for you buddy, okay?”

Kurt nodded impatiently. As soon as Burt closed the door, Kurt spoke.

“Adam?”

Adam appeared by Kurt’s bed. “Kurt, I’m so sorry,” he started to say, but Kurt cut him off.

“Was it you? Did you take him?” he asked urgently. Adam swallowed.

“No. It wasn’t me.”

“But… some angel… took Finn to heaven, right?” Kurt insisted, looking frantic.

“Yes, but Kurt-”

“Then you can bring him back,” Kurt stated.

Adam closed his eyes briefly. “I can’t bring him back, Kurt.”

“Why not? You said you guide people’s souls to heaven. You know where it is. You can go there and bring him back.”

Adam took a few steps toward Kurt and tried to put his hand on his shoulder. “It doesn’t work like that, Kurt. I can’t bring people back from the dead-”

“Why not?” Kurt’s voice was rising. He shook off Adam’s hand. “Just go to god and tell him he’s made a mistake and we need Finn back here, okay? You’re an _angel_ , Adam, you can do that.”

“Kurt, darling, as much as I would want to, I can’t do that-” Adam pleaded, wishing Kurt would understand.

“Yes, you can! Adam, come on,” Kurt insisted. “Please, I _need_ my brother. He can’t be dead. Please, Adam. Do it for me.” Kurt looked at him with wide, hopeful eyes.

Adam had never wished he could cry more than he did at that moment. “I can’t,” he whispered again, feeling helpless.

Kurt’s facial expression shifted again. His mouth thinned to a hard line. “Can’t… or _won’t_?” he asked, his voice dangerously level.

“I _can’t_ ,” Adam stressed. “Please believe me, Kurt. I don’t get to decide who lives and who dies, I don’t have that power-”

“Then what use ARE you?!” Kurt shouted, losing his temper. “What’s the point of having a guardian angel when he can’t DO anything? What’s - the - point?”

Adam didn’t know what to reply. Kurt filled the silence.

“You come in here, telling me you’re some kind of inhuman… freak show, you do magic tricks…you tell me you’ve been watching me since I was a kid! But you can’t actually _do_ anything to protect me? What does that make you, Adam? You’re not a guardian angel, you’re just a … a…supernatural stalker!” Kurt’s voice broke and tears started streaming down his face.

“Kurt, please, you’re in shock,” Adam started, but Kurt shook his head. As he spoke again, his voice was raspy and low.

“I need you to go, Adam. Go. Disappear.” He paused, his lip trembling. “And go _for real._ I can’t mourn my brother with you hovering around me invisibly.”

For a moment, Adam hesitated. Then he nodded slowly, giving in to defeat. He gave Kurt one last look, and vanished.

*

_I’m Kurt._  
_-Kurt Hummel, I know._

Wind streaked his face, tearing at his clothes impatiently.

_Your Winter Showcase performance was breathtaking._

Sounds of traffic rushed past his ears.

_Would you ever want to go get a drink?_

The ground came closer, beckoning.

_If you say one more assy thing about Adam’s Apples-_

The pavement pressed itself softly against his chest like a lover, then harder, and harder still, smothering him in a too tight embrace.

_I love you._

The world went black, and then pulsed back into colour- red, vibrant like blood, pain and the back of his eyelids.

Adam gasped, filling his lungs with air. He felt, for the first time, how tears rolled down his face. Everything hurt, and for a moment he just lay there, staring up at the Trust Building. He imagined he could see Nathan there, but he knew he couldn’t. Not unless Nathan wanted him to.


	7. Chapter 7

Kurt was staring towards the trees. At the small gathering, people were saying nice things about Finn, but it didn’t look like Kurt was listening. His thumb was rubbing his empty ring finger absent-mindedly. Blaine stood beside him, an arm wrapped around his shoulders.

Adam waited for people to start leaving before coming closer. He moved stiffly. Kurt was still standing by the large array of flowers and wreaths, his back turned towards him. Blaine whispered something in his ear, but Kurt shook his head. The other man squeezed his shoulder and left. Adam couldn’t read his mind, but hoped that his grief, at least, was genuine. He waited until Kurt was alone. As he was about to speak, Kurt turned around. His eyes widened as he took in the sight of Adam.

His face was bruised. One of his hands had several splinted fingers, and he was leaning on a cane.

“What happened to you?” Kurt asked. Despite his harsh words the last time they saw each other, he looked worried. Adam took it as encouragement.

“I fell to earth,” he said. “Quite literally, I’m afraid.” He offered Kurt a lopsided smile. “Decided to try the whole…being tangible thing. I got to say, it kind of smarts.”

Kurt stared at him for a moment and then looked around him before he spoke. “You became _mortal_?” he whispered, though no one but Adam was within earshot. Adam nodded.

“I found out how to do it last week. I was going to tell you when I came over. Kinda… soften the blow of the whole angel scare, you know? I wanted you to know it was possible. That I’d do it if you’d have me. As a human, as a person you could actually touch and maybe love.”

Kurt swallowed. “You gave up your immortality for me?”

Adam looked down on the flowers for a moment. “No. I was going to, but then you told me to leave-" 

Kurt breathed in sharply, but didn’t interrupt. It looked like he was bracing himself for an accusation of some kind.

"But I did think about what you said…about my existence being pointless…”

Kurt winced. “That’s not- I’m so sorry, Adam, I wasn’t thinking-” he tried, but Adam shook his head.

“No, you were right. So I decided to give it up. Even if you don’t want to see me any more, my watching days are over. I came to tell you that I am ready to start _doing_ something now. Be useful, I don’t know, collect for charity, donate blood…”

“Save kittens from trees?” Kurt suggested, a small smile on his lips. 

“Yeah, something like that,” Adam agreed. 

“Still trying to be too good to be true,” Kurt said, and Adam imagined he heard a little fondness in his voice.

“You inspire that in people,” Adam replied. He hesitated. “Kurt, before I go, you should know… if you ever need a shoulder to lean on. An…actual one…and enough time has passed and maybe you’ve forgiven me… I’m here for you.” He tried to smile, but it was closer to a grimace. Moving his face hurt.

“Thank you, Adam,” Kurt replied. He looked around. Burt, Carole and Blaine were waiting by the car. Adam could see Blaine and Kurt’s dad looking at them and talking. Adam half-wished he could still read their minds, but decided he was better off not knowing. Going by Blaine’s expression, it wasn’t anything good.

“Are you and Blaine back together?” he finally asked, bracing himself.

Kurt bit his lip. “I thought about it,” he admitted. “He has been very supportive the past few days.”

Adam nodded. He wasn’t going to tell Kurt about the things he heard Blaine think. People could change, and if this was what Kurt wanted-

“But every time I tried to imagine my future, he wasn’t in it. Not like that,” Kurt continued. He looked down at his hand for a moment. “Instead, my mind kept coming back to you. I thought about how much I’d miss you, and how, by sending you away, I missed the opportunity to ask you this question that’s been on my mind…”

“Oh?” Adam let out hopefully.

“Yes,” Kurt said with a serious expression. “I was wondering…if angels can’t taste food… _how were you so good at baking cookies_?” His eyes sparkled a little, and the corners of his mouth trembled as if he might cry- or laugh.

Adam closed his eyes for a moment and felt his heart leap. This was Kurt in a nutshell- trying to cheer everyone around him up despite his own heartache.

“The internet called it ‘cookiegasm’,” he admitted. “I thought that sounded pretty good. No celestial recipe or anything.”

“The internet?! You could have _poisoned_ me!” Kurt replied with mock-outrage, and the both of them shared a smile. Finally, Adam cleared his throat and straightened his back.

“I’d better go,” he said. “You should be with your family.”

Kurt nodded, but he didn’t turn away. Then, he moved forward, and as soon as he started it was like he couldn’t stop- he collided with Adam, his hands burrowing under Adam’s jacket for a body to hold on to and hiding his face. Adam winced at the impact. His injured ribs sent sharp stings of pain to his spine, but he reacted instinctively, dropping the cane to envelop Kurt in his arms and pull him closer against his chest. He could feel Kurt’s shoulders start to shake and tightened his embrace, pressing his face to Kurt’s hair. He smelled of things Adam had yet to learn to identify (He knew Kurt’s shampoo bottle said 'lavender & citrus’ but which was which?).

“Don’t go,” Kurt said, his voice muffled against Adam’s throat. He was clinging to him as if to physically stop him from leaving. “I don’t want to lose you, too.”

Adam closed his eyes tightly. They were burning- another unfamiliar sensation, but not an unwelcome one. “You won’t. I’m not vanishing this time,” he promised, his voice a little rough. “I’ll stay as long as you want me to.” He kissed Kurt’s forehead. Over the top of his head, he could see Blaine staring at him. “But, Kurt…now that I’m mortal, a few things will have to change.”

“Hmm?” Kurt replied, pulling away a little to look at Adam.

He was smiling. “Yes. You will have to share your muffins with me. And teach me how to kiss.”

Kurt choked out something between a laugh and a sob. “I guess I can do that.”


End file.
